Motherhood is not romantic

That archetypal image of a mother with a baby in her arms - serene, peaceful, safe - that is NOT motherhood.

Well, at least not all of it.

And yet, this Mother Mary type image is how we view motherhood, what we project onto it. It is, in my experience, what women who are not mothers often yearn for. That intimate, all-encompassing love for one’s own flesh and blood.

It is so misleading!

Don’t get me wrong;

The heart-exploding love from a mother towards a child is real.

The experience of oneness between mother and child, especially in the first years of life, is real.

And yes, the serene and utterly precious moments of holding, nurturing and loving are real.

AND

A mother is equally this (and more):

Oceanic thunder erupting from her body as it expands with every wave during childbirth

A roaring lioness standing up against everything and anyone she believes is not right for her child.

A fierce and lonely warrioress, who, even after months of sleep deprivation, forces her exhausted body up in the morning and does what it takes to feed and care for her offspring.

A heroine in disguise who works more hours than any job in the world without getting paid, who never receives a metal and rarely praise.

Motherhood can be pain and loss - loss of connections, a sense of belonging, of a certain status in the world. Motherhood is, at times, deeply lonely.

So next time you romanticize the idea of motherhood when you see a mother and her child in embrace, consider also that she may be struggling.

Extend a helping hand to her, even if she, on the outside, seems all put together.

Ask her how she is feeling, how her heart and her body are.

Invite her to that party, or gathering, even if you assume she cannot make it cause she is bound to the house.

Make her feel included, like she is still part of life outside of her mother role.

Offer your support, even if you don’t quite know how.

And if you are yearning to become a mother, and you imagine a Mother Mary and baby Jesus kind of experience, ask yourself this:

Are you willing to go to the absolute, utter extremes of what you are capable of feeling and doing, over and over again, shatter into a million pieces, put yourself back together again and still roar?